


Fuck, Now There Are Two Agents!

by MinMu



Series: Go The Fuck To Sleep, Q [2]
Category: Go the Fuck to Sleep - Adam Mansbach, James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Cussing, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Two Agents Are More Than Twice The Fun, Не копировать на другой сайт
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24065329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinMu/pseuds/MinMu
Summary: Someone in management has decided that sending out agents in matched pairs will decrease destruction and increase effectiveness.  That person is not Q, who has to juggle James Bond and Alec Trevelyan at the same time.   There is extensive use of the F-Word but mostly just Q bemoaning his fate. (This is a parody of "Fuck, Now There Are Two of You", a sequel to “Go The Fuck To Sleep”.)
Relationships: James Bond & Q, James Bond & Q & Alec Trevelyan, Q & Alec Trevelyan
Series: Go The Fuck To Sleep, Q [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736158
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	Fuck, Now There Are Two Agents!

I have wonderful news for you, dear agent,

From now on you will have a partner--what fun!

As for me, my life's pretty much fucked now

Because two's a million more spies than one.

Assignments today require two double-oh agents.

The thought alone makes me feel quite sick.

Soon you won't be the focus of all my attention.

Chances are, that will make you a dick.

I never knew misery before you came

And I swore one agent at a time would be it, so

This is a terrible mistake for us all.

My life has become one gigantic shit show.

Once there were pockets of quiet

While you slept, fucked, or had something to do

But now you take turns needing me desperately.

Fuck! Now there are two of you.

No, I can't entertain you, bored during surveillance.

Your partner is having trouble wrestling a snake

I know you feel sad and neglected

But cut me some slack, for fuck's sake.

So you are making dumb noobie mistakes again?

Smiling for the CCTV while you shoot?

I don't know how to break this to you, love,

But that shit is not fucking cute.

Looking back, with just you it was easy

To do stuff without a big uproar.

Now the simplest task's a gruelling ordeal.

What the fuck did I sign myself up for?

You move in harmony, fighting an enemy team.

I watch your victory with such pride.

It makes me wish I could forget your attempts

At motherfucking agent-cide.

Someday you'll entertain one another

While I chill and catch up on my coding

But forever-fucking forever!--there will not be a time

That no one is bleeding, nothing is exploding.

I don't care about your mission any less--I can multitask

My time's not a pie; we don't have to divide it.

I'm just so frazzled I hate everybody

And I'm too fucking tired to hide it.

No, I can't pick you both up at the airport.

This car only seats two which I prefer.

And I'll be damned if I let myself be

Outnumbered like some fucking amateur.

What little equipment you return is demolished

and coated in goo: drugs, booze, or prostitutes?

I can vaguely remember when collecting gear

Did not require fucking hazmat suits.

Sometimes when you both are passed out,

And nothing is dangerous or actively on fire,

I hope that one day this will come to an end

And pray that you'll both fucking retire.

At two in the morning, it hits me.

My heart thumps a-rat-a-tat-tat.

If you two no longer have adventures away

Where will you devote your time and energy at?


End file.
